Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
