My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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