I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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