bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
