Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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