he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So much Jack, so little girl.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
