You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
