Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize