I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
