Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
