You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
