It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
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FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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