Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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