you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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