it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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