i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
