Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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