I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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