I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
