Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
