Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
