What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
