I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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