you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I pour the whiskey from now on
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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