ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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