Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
