Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
