What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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