turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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