if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
