so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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