You're so nebulous sometimes
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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