what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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