ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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