I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
