i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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