I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
