How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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