he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
