After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
