Having a random hookup so left but love u
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize