i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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