The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
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It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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