I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
