New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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