i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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