I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
