I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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