FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
