i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.