i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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