gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
