Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
