Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
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Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
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I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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