Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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