There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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