If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
