that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
