JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
