Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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