the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
