I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
