dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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