Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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