Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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