The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
