we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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