the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
