I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize