I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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