My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
