Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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